Overcoming Postnatal Depletion: A Clinical Psychologist Shares Her Advice

Self-care takes on a whole new meaning in motherhood. Without it (which includes proper nourishment), postnatal depletion can become your reality. This is part of my story.

I thought I would rock this motherhood thing. After all, I was a clinical psychologist who had worked with kids and families for years, and my husband was a doctor.

I thought I was prepared. But I made a critical error. I forgot to take proper care of myself during those early years of motherhood.

I soon found myself exhausted, overwhelmed, and irritable – far from the energetic and playful mom I thought I would be.  

I became the classic case of a postnatally depleted mom. Maybe you’re her, too?

What is postnatal depletion?

Postnatal depletion is a physical and mental exhaustion caused by the strains of modern motherhood, the depletion of nutrients from a mom’s body during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and the practical reality that moms do much of motherhood alone.

Common signs and symptoms

 According to Dr. Oscar Serrallach, the author of The Postnatal Depletion Cure, the common signs of postnatal depletion can include (but aren’t limited to):

• Pain
• Forgetfulness
• Indecision
• Low energy levels
• Moodiness
• “Baby brain”

 For me, I spent more time in burnout than I would like to admit, but when you are so tired, have a foggy brain, and cannot make even the most basic decisions, things take time. 

But I slowly moved out of this depleted state with each intentional step I took, and I’m sharing my five tips below.

My five tips for helping to overcome postnatal depletion

1. I got crystal clear on what I wanted for my future.

 I did this through meditation, journaling, talking to mom friends, and daydreaming on my long walks as I settled my son into the baby carrier.  

I began envisioning the future, vibrant me. 

How did she act?
How did she take care of herself?
How did she treat others?
What did she do with her days, and who was she with? 
What supports did she have in place to help her? 

I got clear on what I wanted motherhood to look like moving forward. 

This is blissfully fun. 

It is also an important practice to visualize your future self. If you want things to change in your life, imagining with great clarity what you want and who you are in the future is a critical step to bringing that into being. 

With this clarity, I had a revelation: some of the beliefs influencing me had to go.  

2. I let go of unhelpful societal expectations. 

The message that ‘good mothers’ should prioritize everyone else’s needs above their own is ingrained in our society. Caring for others is fantastic, but we can’t do it from an empty cup. 

Our needs are important, too. We are important, too.

Plus, people are more giving and caring toward others if they care for themselves alongside others, not as an afterthought. 

Letting this societal belief influence me was not helping anyone. I was prioritizing everyone else and burning out big time. I was cranky and becoming of little help to others in the process. Not exactly the future me I had previously envisioned. 

This belief, along with several others, had to go. 

Noticing when this societal pressure arose in me, acknowledging it, and then choosing not to let it guide my behavior created a significant shift internally. 

3. I put myself back at the top of my priority list.

With this mindset shift, I began prioritizing myself. 

I pictured my future vibrant self. 

My future self knew that taking care of herself was integral to taking the best care of her family. So, I embodied this. I wrote why it was beneficial to take care of myself and how this helped those around me. 

I also started going through my days, considering how I might begin prioritizing myself and my well-being. 

It started with going to sleep earlier, getting back to a meditation practice, and signing up for mommy and me yoga. 

I quickly realized prioritizing myself meant resting more, eating nourishing meals, getting outside in nature, and spending time with like-minded mom friends. 

And I noticed that I was losing my patience less often. 

4. I clarified what I needed and started asking for help.

Prioritizing myself also meant asking for support. 

As someone who prided herself in doing everything herself, this was hard. But it was evident that I wasn’t coping by doing everything myself. No one benefited from this – at least me or my little family! 

I began checking in with my needs. I asked myself, “What do I need?” and then, “Can I easily meet this need myself, or do I need some support?” 

I needed help with the cleaning. I needed to replenish my nutrient stores. I needed more adult conversation. I needed pockets of silence. I needed my husband to take our baby so I could pee alone. 

This clarity took away the overwhelm. I knew what I needed and could go about seeking the support required. 

5. Finally, I began making decisions from the perspective of the future me.

I had done the above leg work. I knew what I wanted. I had let go of unhelpful expectations. I was prioritizing myself and seeking support. 

This is when it all came together with asking one question: 

“Does this decision move me closer to the life I want and the person I want to be, or does it move me further away from this?”

I was done making decisions from the current me – me with a foggy brain, a heavy body, and a short fuse. It would keep me stuck here if I kept choosing from this place.

By asking this question, I was supporting myself in the long term. I was moving a little closer to that future, vibrant me each time I asked this. 

Some final thoughts on overcoming depletion in motherhood

So, where are you today? 

Take a moment to fantasize about the future you want. Convince yourself that you deserve to be on your priority list (you do!). 

Start making decisions from the perspective of the thriving future you. 

You will thank yourself for it in the future – so will your kids.

Postnatal depletion might soon be a thing of the past for you, too. 

Interested in diving further into these five steps and so much more? Wanting to move out of postnatal depletion and enjoy matrescence and motherhood instead? Check out my book The Motherhood Reset and my program of the same name to help you on this journey.